Harbinger Banner

Answers to Agony - Solving your personal problems

Aunt Ali

1 March

Dear Aunt Ali,

I don't know what to do.

I won a batchelor at the Valentine auction but I don't really want to go on a date with him. He keeps calling me and offering to take me to a film I don't want to see.

I know I shouldn't have bid, but I was getting desperate because all my single friends had already bid on someone. And I got caught up in the auction atmosphere.

Please advise.

Sorrowfully successful

Don't worry, you will get through it.

That valentine's auction was a complete fiasco. Everyone I have talked to said it was just an ego trip for a certain pasty-faced harlot with a big nose. And she was totally shameless about embarrassing everyone - the boys, the other contestants on her rigged little popularity contest, the bidders and the audience who had to cringe through her pathetic showing-off.

So don't feel bad about how you behaved. Put it down as another debit on Miss Big-nose's social account. Time will come soon when we all call in that debt and wind her up.

Also just be thankful that you were not picked on like poor Kimberley and Abigail. Imagine how much worse it must have been for them to be humiliated on stage just to make her Jezebel-ness look like the only viable option for a date with a rather shallow filmstar. That is real cruelty. You have suffered but not as much as they did. Your brush with the arch-minx-queen left you comparatively unscathed. Count yourself lucky.

Regarding the sub-standard date. As with all goods which are not of adequate quality - send your purchase back.

Dear Aunt Ali,

I don't know what to do.

I don't know what to do. I am a shy person. But I have just done something I am very proud of. I won an archery tournament.

I have been doing archery for several years now, but mostly kept it to myself. But I've been getting better and finally this month I took the medal at the Somerset and Avon ladies open 35m invitation. Now I want to tell people because I am proud of myself but don't want to be seen to be bragging or arrogant. How do I tell my friends?

Please advise.

Everdene Anonymous

Don't worry, you will get through it.

But this is brilliant. I for one am very proud of you and know how much you worked on this (hours every weekend and at least two nights a week, even when your arms and shoulders ached). You should be proud and not scared to shout it from the rooftops.

Remember this is a real achievement unlike so many things people claim are impressive. Winning this puts you in the top five lady archers in the county. In fact, by my calculation you could be one of the top fifty in the Country. That gets you into the invitation list for national meets which one day might let you compete against members of Team GB (and NI)'s Olympians. As I understand it.

It is so much more impressive than simply organising (or not even properly organising) a party in the New Inn. Tell everyone. Wear the medal around your neck.

Hopefully this answer in itself will be enough to make people realise how well you have done. After all - there is only one archer in the village who could have won this and people do know who that is...

Articles from other months are linked from the side bar.

Please address all communications for the attention of The Editor, The Mews Office, Market street.

We have a box at the post office for ideas and notes.