Harbinger

12 June (by email)

Editor

Look, I'm not one of those people who tries to make too much of an issue of what people say about me because I tend to think that we're all our own people and so it doesn't matter.

But I think you need to do something about some of this stuff because I'm beginning to find that its putting me of my work and I keep having to wonder whether everyone is talking about me behind my back and stuff which isn't very nice.

Let me put it out clearly - here you go: I am a lesbian and lots of people know that. But it makes no difference to me and it shouldn't make any difference to anyone else and it shouldn't mean that I get gossiping and whispering about me - let alone rather childish articles by one of your columnists.

So I'm just asking you and everyone at your paper to leave off talking about me and my friends - we didn't do anything to you and I'd be grateful if you'd let us alone. And some of my friends are your contributors - so if you want those votes you need - maybe they'll remember what you let people publish.

Heather Reedman BFA

The Editor, Tilebury 'Harbinger'

21 June (by Post)

Dear Madam,

We continue to represent Miss Doreen Davies and Mrs Camilla Corkerham. We note your decision to publish our last letter and anticipate you will do the same with this and the attached manifesto on behalf of our clients. [I have done this - in the Trust Information section - Ed]

We welcome your agreement to host the meeting of contributors our clients have convened. Needless to say our clients will be making careful notes [And so will I!!! Ed] to ensure that the meeting proceeds fairly. We note also that you will not be the chairman for this meeting. In accordance with the Trust Deed we understand that this duty falls upon Alison Morrow (Who contributes as Aunt Ali)as the contributor whose given name is listed first alphabetically.

Needless to say our clients reserve their rights to take whatever legal action through the courts or otherwise may appear to them to be necessary to enforce the proper management of the meeting and its decisions. They will take such action if necessary through us without further reference to you [My editorial sets out my response to this ridiculous threat - Ed].

Finally, we consider it symptomatic of the lack of control and decency which you have exercised in the discharge of your role that one of our clients (Miss Davies) has been largely pilloried in the 'Harbinger's' Events column and details of her private life exposed. This type of approach must stop and our clients will ensure they do when in control of the Trust.

Yours faithfully

Morton Flix LLP (Solicitors)

The Editor, Tilebury 'Harbinger'

27 June (by Post)

Dear Madam,

I find, like so many of my fellow villagers, that my private affairs have been splashed across the public consciousness and my privacy trampled all over and shredded into thin strips by your unleashed, feral and rabid contributors. [Wow! Ed]

My relationship with Alderman Cornelius, which yes: I am prepared after the month I have just endured to speak of openly as a love which should not hide its name, has been to date concealed within the protective eider-down of secrecy so it could blossom untouched by the frosty fingers of public prurience. This has largely been at the request of the Alderman whose public service gives him a profile and standing which places him at all times in the pockets and at the whims of local residents. [it is fast becoming clear that that he has been providing a lot of public services to quite a few local residents. Ed]

Now, however since our cat is out of the bag, or perhaps the our worm is out of the bud, I am happy to throw off my cloak of concealment like Portia [Viola perhaps - if we are in Twelth night? Ed] threw off the boy's clothes in which she stood concealed as Cesario and declare that the Alderman and I have been together for some time [A whole night? Or just a part of one? Ed].

As for Miss Davies. The Alderman tells me that he has been supporting her efforts to win the beautiful village award (which you have pointlessly and pathetically refused to get behind and to push [I couldn't really get in front and push. Ed]) and that their meetings are purely platonic.

Finally - for the record I was not in Paddington station with the Alderman as was alleged and if that statement is to be made again I shall sue!

I also don't know where you got an interest in literature from? I did win a prize for my poetry once [Well done - Ed] but I haven't done that for years [Please do contribute to Poetess's Pantry next month - I'll publish it if I'm still here and if it is any good - Ed].

Yours faithfully

Susanna Arkwright